Bending The Code
by mpekojoka
Summary: BrynnTe Jinn looks back on her life tells how she was able to become a Jedi Master, be with the man she loved, ObiWan Kenobi, and raise a family despite the rigid Jedi Code.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

My name is Brynn-Te Jinn. I am the daughter of Qui-Gon Jinn. Unlike all other Jedi, I was raised by my father (when he was not away on missions) at the Jedi Temple. I believe I was an experiment of sorts. Master Yoda had had visions showing jedi caring for young that appeared to be their own and had convinced the rest of the counsel to allow me to remain with my father. The main difference between myself and the other younglings was that I went home to my father at the end of the day and not to the shared youngling quarters.

I was chosen as a padawan at the age of eleven. Even then, I continued to share quarters with my father instead of with my master, which was the norm. My father had also chosen a padawan, only days before I was chosen by Master Bondara. He and his padawan were away on what seemed like an endless string of missions at first. It wasn't until they were back at the temple for and extended period of time that I really had to learn how to live my dual life of padawan and daughter.

The presence of my father's student, Obi-Wan Kenobi, made things different as well. Not only was I learning to cope with my life as a padawan, I had to get used to having an annoying boy around. I liken it to having a brother, although I'm not entirely sure that is correct……

"Katherine Kenobi, get your butt back here!" Sometimes I don't even recognize my own voice anymore.

"But…..I didn't do….." Her voice is beginning to sound more and more like my own.

"Come here, young one. Lying is not very becoming of a Jedi. Your father will be back shortly, and I don't think he'll appreciate the mess."

"Yes, mother." …..

I used to think being a padawan was the hardest thing ever. Then I became a Jedi Knight. As if that wasn't hard enough, I became a wife and mother of three. Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I'm sure you are wondering just that, since the terms Jedi, marriage, and children don't usually go together. But, then again, not much about me has really 'kept with the code'.

Here is the story of how I became the wife of a Jedi Master, the mother of two rather gifted children, and a Master myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

I had been in one of the sparring rooms for most of the day working with a group of younglings. My master thought it would be a good way for me to work on my patience, or lack there of. Now, I was finally back in my quarters and very glad for the time to myself. I had been feeling out of sorts for the past few days, but couldn't quite place why. I was not sick in any way, but there was something strange within the force. I was standing in the middle of my common room thinking about this when the door opened suddenly to reveal Obi-Wan standing next to Master Yoda.

Instantly, I began to understand what had been bothering me. Obi-Wan told me that my father was killed by a Sith Lord. This news, coupled with the raw emotion I sensed, and saw, in Obi-Wan, made me feel as though I was being crushed. I fell into Obi-Wan's arms sobbing and we crumpled to the floor, as he too was overcome by emotion. Master Yoda let us be for several minutes, then reminded us that we were Jedi, and knew how we should be dealing with this. He put a caring hand on each of us and offered his strength.

Once we had picked ourselves up off the floor and began to gather our thoughts, I remembered the huge disturbance I had felt in the force a few days earlier. I was practicing saber technique with Master Bondara. The disturbance had knocked me to the floor and caused my master to stagger. Oddly, it was mainly panic and anger from Obi-Wan that I had felt. The panic was controlled quickly, but the anger lingered for a bit before it disappeared and transformed into grief. It was then that I felt a void. Why I hadn't realized what happened, I don't know. Looking back, I should have known.

I've retired to my bedroom now, but am finding sleep hard to come by. Obi-Wan is still here in my quarters, several hours later. I don't think he can bring himself to leave my father's home. I'm glad he is here. His presence is comforting to me. I don't want him to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: So sorry about the delay in updating. Work has been extremely busy and stressful this last month and I have had little time to myself. Things seem to be calming a bit, but one never knows what can happen next in my line of work! I will try to get more writing done in the next week...before the flood gates once again open!_

**Chapter 2**

I awoke early this morning to find Obi-Wan meditating in my common room. I had not had a restful sleep and, although I tried, I wasn't able to conceal my presence from him. His eyes opened the moment I entered the room and he turned to face me.

"Brynn," he said in a sad voice, totally unlike the Obi-Wan I knew and had grown up with.

"Ben." I replied in a scratchy, tired voice.

"I hope you don't mind, I've put on a pot of coffee." He continued as he rose from his sitting position and came toward me.

"Thank you." My voice was still not my own. I reached out and put a hand on his arm.

"I…" he began, but was unable to continue. I nodded my head in understanding and gave his arm a squeeze. It was then I felt the extreme sadness and guilt.

"Obi-Wan, it's not your fault." I was trying as hard as I could to keep my voice even.

"But…" he began again. "I…" again he was unable to finish his thought. I put my hands on his shoulders and used the Force to speak to him, trying to let him know it wasn't his fault and I didn't blame him. I led him to the kitchen and sat him at the small table where my father and I had enjoyed breakfast together so many times.

"Have you eaten Ben?" I asked. It was strange to have him there without his master, my father.

"No, I…"

"Help yourself to whatever you wish." I interrupted. "My master is expecting me in an hour. I'm going to take my coffee to the gardens and meditate until then." I finished briskly, without looking at him, to avoid the emotion I felt building within myself.

Knowing news of the death of Qui-Gon Jinn would already be travelling through the temple, I grabbed my cloak on the way out the door, slipped it on and pulled the hood up to hide my face. I moved quickly through the hallways, not looking up. Once in the gardens, I lowered my hood and wandered slowly toward my tree sipping my coffee and trying to clear my mind. By the time I reached my destination, I had finished my coffee, but been unsuccessful at clearing my mind.

After spending the next half-hour trying, unsuccessfully, to meditate, I sensed my master's presence. I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the ground in front of me.

"I knew I would find you here, padawan." He noticed my confusion and added, "No, you have not lost track of time. I came looking for you." I nodded, but said nothing. "I thought you might need a hand meditating this morning. Now, close your eyes and I will help you clear your mind."

I did as he said and felt his hand touch the side of my head. My mind cleared of all thought and I easily fell into a meditative state. Some time later my master spoke again. "Brynn-Te, that is enough for now." I opened my eyes. "Perhaps it would be wise for you to take the day off."

"No master, I'd rather be doing something," I replied a little too quickly. The thought of all that time to myself to think was not something I wanted at the moment.

The look on Master Bondara's face told me that he did not agree, but he did understand. "Very well then, let's get going. We'll start with sabre technique."

I always feel most at home and at peace, no matter the situation, when I have my lightsabre in my hand. I think that is why we were going to the sparring room first. This day was no different. The moment I felt the hilt of my sabre in my hand, a calm came over me. The calm, however, didn't cover up the fact that my heart was not in it. I was making mistakes that a padawan of my experience should never make.

"That's enough for now Brynn-Te." My master said as he extinguished his lightsabre. "You are distracted."

"Sorry master." I replied acknowledging that he was right.

"The counsel has asked me to do some research on a few outer rim planets. Let's head to the archives and see what we can get done before lunch."

So, off we went. Even on my best days, studying and researching are not my strong suits. We were only about an hour into our search when my master spoke up, "Perhaps you should call it a day Brynn-Te. I believe that is the same page you have been staring at for the last 10 minutes."

"No, master. I'd like to continue. I'll try harder." As soon as I had finished my sentence, I knew what he was going to say.

"Try? You know what Master Yoda says about that."

"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." I recited. "I will do better." Master Bondara smiled and nodded, and we went back to work.

It was a struggle, but I managed to find the information I was asked for. Well, most of it at least. As I made my last note and closed the file I was reading on the data pad, my master stretched his neck from side to side and declared, to my relief, it was time for lunch.

As we walked through the halls of the temple I noticed everyone we passed was in deep conversation, and each individual stopped and looked at me as we passed. I was used to it somewhat due to my uncharacteristic upbringing, but it was different today. I knew what they were all thinking. They all wondered how I had reacted to the news of my father's death, and how I was dealing with it. These thoughts were starting to bother me when my master's voice interrupted them.

"Brynn-Te, we have accomplished a fair amount this morning. Why don't you take the rest of the day for yourself." It was a statement, not a question.

"No, thank you Master. You know I like to be busy." Which was true. I have never been one for sitting around doing nothing.

"Very well," he said simply. I knew he did not agree with my decision and wanted me to take the time to myself.

I didn't eat much at lunch. Actually, I think I ate a total of five forkfuls of food. Mostly, I moved it around on my plate hoping time would pass more quickly. At long last, my master finished his meal, and after admonishing me for playing with mine, he rose and I followed him out in to the hall.

We headed to a meditation room where we worked on some force training. This didn't do much other than frustrate me, since I wasn't able to keep my focus for more than five seconds at a time. After this, it was off to the training room for a physical work out. Finally, something I was pretty sure I would be able to focus on and do properly.

It felt great to be working out. Pushing my body to its limits and succeeding in my tasks for the first time all day. We hadn't been at it for very long when my master's comlink sounded. It was the counsel requesting our presence.

After cleaning up and changing, Master Bondara and I headed up to the counsel chamber. As we approached, Obi-Wan came out of the chamber. As we passed each other, I noticed that his Padawan braid was gone.

The door slid open in front of us and we entered, bowing to the counsel. They wanted to discuss what had happened to my father and how it was affecting me. Not something I wanted to discuss at all. It wasn't long before my lack of patience got me into trouble once again.

"Look, I just don't feel the need to continue this when it's just going in circles and I really don't want to _discuss_ this any more!" As soon as the words left my lips I regretted it, and knew I was out of place saying such things to the counsel.

"Brynn-Te, the counsel will decide whether or not continued discussion is necessary." Mace Windu said in a very stern voice. " This matter is not to be taken lightly, and we will carry on."

"Yes, Master. I'm sorry." There is something about a reprimand from Master Windu. It always makes you feel like small child being punished for something like getting mud on the carpet.

We stayed with the counsel for a short while longer, until my next out burst. At that point they decided to call it a day and told my master to ensure that I went straight to my quarters and remained there until morning. As we were leaving the counsel chamber, I heard Master Yoda's voice, "Much defiance she has in her." Then Master Mundi replied "So much like her father, minus his patience."

Back in my quarters, I milled around trying to find things to do. Giving up, I headed into the kitchen and started to prepare some soup for dinner.

It wasn't long before I heard the door open and the familiar footfalls heading toward the kitchen. Obi-Wan came around the corner and leaned on the doorframe.

"Hey." He said simply.

"Hey," I replied without turning around. "You're just in time for soup."

"I'm not hungry."

That statement made me turn and look at him. "You are always hungry, now sit."

"Not today." He sat at the table and fiddled with his hair where his braid once was.

I tried to smile. "All grown up now, young Kenobi?" He looked down at his boots and shrugged his shoulders. I knew becoming a knight meant everything to Obi-Wan, but I also understood that he never would have chosen this circumstance for the promotion. "Here, eat. It's your favorite." I put a bowl of soup down in front of him and set one down for myself across the table.

"Brynn, really, I'm not hungry. Thank you though."

"What have you eaten today?"

"I had a muja muffin this morning."

"That's not exactly a proper meal, and it definitely doesn't constitute three meals." There was only once before that I had seen Obi-Wan not want to eat, and he was deathly ill at the time. "Eat." I wasn't sure how convincing I was being, especially since I was just playing with my own soup.

"I'm sure you haven't eaten much more than that yourself." I should have known that he would try turning it back on me.

"Actually, I did have lunch." I decided to leave out the fact that I had barely touched what was on my plate. "Listen, at least eat some of it for me. I've been trapped in here for hours with nothing to do but think and make this soup. Just eat it and pretend to enjoy it." That came out a bit more harshly than I had meant it to.

He looked up at me with sad, concerned eyes, " What do you mean you've been trapped here?"

"Eat. We'll talk after." I said quietly, staring at my soup. I needed to regain control of my emotions before saying anything else. We sat at the table together for a long while, mostly playing with our meals, but occasionally eating a bit.

Finally, Obi-Wan put down his spoon and pushed his chair back. He had finished all but two spoonfuls. I ate one last bite, collected the bowls and brought them to the sink. I washed up and put everything away. Obi-Wan's uncharacteristic silence was starting to unnerve me.

"Ben, lets go sit in the other room."

"Right," was his only reply. We moved to the couch in the common room and resumed our silent staring at nothing. I was just contemplating a small mark on the wall across from me when Obi-Wan once again spoke. "Brynn, why did you say you have been stuck here for hours? What is going on?"

"Well," I began, "When we went to see the counsel this afternoon…" I proceeded to tell him what had happened at the meeting. I was nearly through my story when my emotions caught up to me and I could no longer hold back the tears.

"I can only imagine how difficult that was for you." He said, putting his hand on my knee.

I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. "Now, tell me about your meeting with the counsel," I said glancing at his missing braid. He hesitated, not really wanting to say anything. "I don't need every detail, I know it must have been a difficult meeting for you."

He nodded his head and began telling me what transpired in the counsel chambers. He too let his emotions come to the surface and a single tear ran down his cheek as he finished. "I promised Master Qui-Gon that I would train Anakin, and although Master Yoda does not agree with it, the rest of the counsel does. Anakin is now my apprentice." Obi-Wan looked up at me, so many emotions showing in his eyes. "How did this all happen? Why did it happen?"

I was suddenly over come with sadness. "I don't know Ben." The tears came again. "I don't know." He reached over and took me into his arms. I could feel his sadness as well. I fought to rein my emotions in. I pushed away from him and stood up. He followed suit.

"You should get some rest," Obi-Wan started, but corrected himself when I gave him a sideways look. "Alright, we should both get some rest. Do you mind if I sit here a bit longer though?"

"Stay as long as you like, but remember, you have to return to your own quarters at some point. You, unlike my father, do need sleep." I replied, referring to the fact that my father seemed to be able to go for days on end without sleep.

"I will." He answered, an almost smile appearing on his face.

"Congratulations Obi-Wan, you deserve it. You will be a great Jedi Knight." I said giving him a quick hug. As I backed away from him I heard his thoughts, _That's exactly what your father said. _I stepped back even farther. I didn't think he meant for me to hear that. "He was right." I said simply, and I turned to go to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3 

Several days passed in a similar fashion. I was distracted in most everything I did, and Obi-Wan kept turning up in my quarters. I had another meeting with the counsel that went far better than the last one. I managed to keep my mouth shut, although I know they knew what I was really thinking. I was given instructions to spend a lot more time meditating and sorting out my emotions and less time keeping busy to avoid them. This was doubly difficult since I have trouble staying still and thinking on a good day.

I was also becoming accustomed to Obi-Wan spending most of his free time in my quarters. He just turns up and sits and stares at my father's chair. More often than not he stays until after I've gone to bed. Last night he fell asleep on the floor where he had been meditating. I found him there this morning when his apprentice woke me up trying to find him.

I invited Anakin in and told him to wake Obi-Wan while I got some breakfast together for the three of us. We sat at the table together and picked our way through breakfast. Well, Obi-Wan and I did, Anakin shoveled his meal down. Once we had all finished eating we headed our separate ways. Me to meet my master, Anakin to his classes, and Obi-Wan to meet with the counsel.

My day was much the same as every other day since I learned of my father's death. I wasn't able to focus during force training, my mind would not clear for meditation, and I was pushing myself too hard during all my physical workouts.

It was late afternoon, after I had finished my days training, that Obi-Wan came to find me in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. I sensed his unrest immediately.

"What's wro…" I began, but he cut me off.

"They're sending me to Naboo for the peace celebrations." He spat out as he flopped onto the ground next to me.

"What?" I said stupidly, taken aback by the range, and amount, of emotion I was feeling from him through the force.

"The counsel is insisting I go to Naboo to take part in their peace celebrations." He was starting to sound angry. "I don't want to go."

"Did they give you an option?" I was trying to figure out how to handle this knowing I would most likely not want to go either if I were in his shoes.

"They said Anakin and I had to be ready to leave in the morning. I'm not going." He sounded quite final when he said this.

I gritted my teeth and hoped for the best. "Ben, you have to go."

"I don't _have_ to do anything." He snapped.

"You know they have their reasons. You can't go against the counsel." I really had no idea what to say. I wouldn't want to go either. I needed to buy some time to think. "This isn't the place to discuss this. Why don't we go back to your quarters and talk there?" He nodded his head, jumped up and stormed off. I followed, my mind working like crazy to figure out what to say next.

We reached Obi-Wan's quarters in record time. The door slid shut behind me and there was a tense silence. I could sense his anger rising. Anger had always been his biggest struggle. I figured it was best to get this over with, "Are you going to pace around until your anger overwhelms you, or are you going to talk?" I knew it wasn't a sensitive approach, but I also knew it would get him to talk.

" I am not going back there! How can they think I would!" He paused and spun around to look at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but he started ranting once again. "'Go back to Naboo you must' he says! Why? They don't need me there!" Obi-Wan went on like this for several minutes before finally sitting down with a huff.

"Are you done? Can I actually say something now?" I said rather sternly. I got a curt nod in response. "The counsel wouldn't send you if they didn't think it right. There has to be a reason. As for taking Anakin with you, he's your apprentice now, his place is with you." He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "I'm not finished yet. Have you thought about anything, or anyone, other than yourself? Obi-Wan, you are a wise man, and you were taught by one of the best and wisest Jedi. You know the request is not ludicrous, and you know your reaction is wrong." At this, he dropped his head into his hands and exhaled loudly. "I know, and understand, why you don't want to go to Naboo. I agree you should go though." By the time we had finished talking, it was quite late and I excused myself and headed back to my own quarters to go to bed.

My thoughts had been so clear while I was talking to Obi-Wan. My mind hadn't been that calm since before this all began. I began to contemplate these thoughts. Perhaps it was my sense of duty to help my friend, or was it his anger that provided just enough distraction from my own thoughts. This thought led to thinking about why Obi-Wan was angry, which led back to my father being dead, and so ended my temporary peace of mind.

I had only been back in my quarters long enough to take off my boots and tunic when I heard my main door open. I had sensed Obi-Wan coming, so I shut the door to my bedroom just before he opened the main door. I had had enough for one night and didn't want to talk to him any more. I stood motionless, hoping he would assume I had gone to sleep and leave. No such luck though. I heard him walk over to the couch and sit down. I sat down on the floor and tried to clear my mind to meditate. I was beginning to get frustrated when I heard Obi-Wan get up and head down the hall toward my room. My eyes snapped open and all I could think was _please don't come in here. _He didn't. He sat down on the floor outside my door with his back against my father's bedroom door. He blocked his thoughts and emotions from me at this point. I assumed he was meditating, and resumed my attempts at doing the same. This time my mind was clear and I was able to meditate properly for the first time in almost a week. It was sometime later when I crawled into bed. I could still feel Obi-Wan sitting in the hall, but like on that first night when he returned, I felt comforted by his presence and did not want him to leave.

When I awoke the next morning, Obi-Wan was gone. There was a note from him on the kitchen counter:

_Brynn-Te,_

_I wanted to thank you for talking some sense into me_

_last night. Anakin and I have left for Naboo and will _

_be back in five days. I owe you one._

_O._

I left the note on the counter, grabbed a cup of coffee and a muja muffin and sat at the table to check my data pad for my schedule for the day. Once finished my breakfast, I headed off to meet my master in a meditation room.

"Good morning Master," I greeted him as I entered.

"Good morning padawan." His reply almost sounded like a question. I could sense through our bond that he was concerned about the day ahead going the same as the past several.

Although I had had success the night before, I was not convinced I would be able to meditate again this morning. I sat across from my master and closed my eyes. He had already fallen into a deep meditation, which he did not stir from for just over an hour. During that time I struggled to quiet my mind. I wasn't able to get anywhere.

My day continued in this manner. Force training did nothing but frustrate me beyond belief, and my physical workout was one mishap after another. I was relieved to finally have my lightsabre in my hand at the end of the day. As always it felt comforting and right. Unfortunately, this lesson was cut short when my master declared that I wasn't "using the force as a guide, you are using your emotions". _How dare he suggest I am not fighting properly! _The thought was out in the open before I had a chance to block it from Master Bondara.

"Be mindful of both your thoughts and emotions my young padawan." He said this quite sternly. "You are not yourself. That is enough for today." He added, turning away from me and gathering his cloak.

"Master, I'm sorry. I did not mean for you to hear that." I tried to apologize.

He turned to me with a sort of sadness in his eyes, "That you thought such a thing is the problem Brynn-Te, not that I heard it." I was feeling horrible for the whole thing now. "Now go, I will see you in the morning."

"Yes master," I said simply and headed to my quarters.

Back in my quarters I paced each room for several minutes thinking about everything that had happened in the last week. My frustration with not being able to train properly was growing exponentially. Then I began to think about my father. I realized I was angry about his death. I was angry that he and Obi-Wan had to face a Sith Lord alone. Most of all, I was angry the Sith had killed him.

I stopped pacing at this thought. _Anger, that's not like me_. Then I remembered the anger I had sensed from Obi-Wan when the Sith killed my father. The emotion boiling in me now, I force threw a small table across the room into a wall. As it crashed to the floor, I sank to my knees and closed my eyes. I focused my mind and fell into a deep meditation. I came out of it shortly after when I heard a tapping on my door.

I opened the door to see Master Yoda standing there. "Hello Master," I know I sounded surprised.

"Brynn-Te," He said in greeting as he entered my quarters. "Sense unrest in you I do, young one." He noticed the shattered table and shook his head.

"Yes Master," there was no need to hide anything, including my annoyance with his referring to me as 'young one' (_I'm 21 years old for Force's sake!_). Master Yoda would see through it. "I was just trying to meditate when you arrived."

"That is good, but meditate on the correct things you must." This confused me slightly, until, after a long pause, he continued. "Meditate _on _your emotions, you must. Not with them."

"I understand, Master." This wasn't quite a lie. I sort of understood what he meant, I just wasn't sure what I had done before.

"Get some rest, young Jinn. A challenging day you have tomorrow." I knew he was referring to my difficulties with training and I bowed to him in farewell as the door closed between us.

It was a strange visit. He had not stayed long, nor had he said much and I was not sure about what it all meant. I had finally been able to meditate again, and here he was telling me it wasn't right. Thinking about all this was exhausting me. I finally gave up and went to bed.

The next morning, I went to meet my master in a training room. To nobody's surprise, the day went horribly like every other in the past week. The only difference was that it was slightly worse. By the time we got to sabre technique at the end of the day, I could feel a cold hollowness within myself. I attributed it to the frustrations of the day. As we spared, I felt the feeling growing.

"That's enough, padawan." Master Bondara said as he extinguished his lightsabre. "You are fighting with anger."

"I do not mean to Master." I was somewhat surprised to hear this, since I really hadn't realized it.

"Take a moment to control your thoughts and emotions, then we will try again." At this I closed my eyes and tried to rein in my thoughts. When I opened my eyes, my master spoke again. "Okay, let's do it again," he said as he ignited his sabre.

We sparred for only a few more minutes before Master Bondara stopped once again.

"What is it Master?" I just wanted to continue it was making me feel better.

"You are still fighting with anger, letting the emotion over take you." He shook his head as he spoke.

"I'm sor…." I began, but was cut off.

"Sorry, I know. That is becoming your favorite line." I sensed his frustration and deep concern. "You must get control over this Brynn-Te. This anger is clouding your mind and leading you away from the path you have been on all these years." There was a great sadness in my master's eyes and I sensed immense concern. I was taken aback by all this. How could I have not seen this on my own?

Master Bondara dismissed me and I headed to my quarters where I resumed my pacing from the night before. The only difference being that I didn't throw anything around on this night. I did, however, once again fall into a deep meditation. When I opened my eyes a long while later, I felt rested and surrounded by a cloud. I went and got myself something to eat then went to bed.

I awoke the next morning feeling rested and hungry. I ate breakfast and headed off to a training room to meet my master. This day was going to go much better than the last several, I could feel it. Our physical workout was great and I was ready for the rest of the day.

I was able to meditate, and my force training was as good as ever. The only low point in the day was having to do research for a friend of Master Bondara's. All that was left for the day was sabre technique. I couldn't wait.

My lightsabre once again felt perfect in my hands. We had barely begun when my master stopped. "Brynn-Te, focus."

"What?" I was confused. I thought I was quite focussed and fighting well.

"Your emotions are in control. Clear your mind and let's try again."

"Yes Master." I was still a bit confused because I really didn't feel as though my emotions were at play at all. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and assumed my sparring position.

We began again. Master Bondara made the first move and I countered, then attacked. It wasn't long before he stopped again. He extinguished his lightsabre and shook his head. "That is enough," he said and put his robe back on.

"Master?" I was very confused now. I felt my focus was complete and my movements accurate.

He did not look at me, but shook his head again and said, " I fear I am losing you Brynn-Te, your anger has complete control over you." Before I could speak, he continued. " I am going to see Master Yoda. You will find yourself a meditation room and try to sort this out."

I was at a total loss. I could not understand why my master was reacting this way. I knew I felt anger, but I had focused it and controlled it. "Yes Master," was all I could say and I put on my own robe and parted ways with Master Bondara.

As I stormed about the temple looking for an empty meditation room, all I could think about was how much I wanted to speak to my father. He would be able to help me, of that I was sure. I finally found a vacant room, went in and slammed the door shut. I flopped down and tried to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. The more I thought, the more frustrated I became. My mind was screaming and, before I knew it, I was screaming. Fortunately, all the meditation rooms at the temple are sound proofed to allow for uninterrupted meditation.

After screaming myself hoarse, I sat in silence starring at the dark wall in front of me. It wasn't long after that I heard the door slide open and turned to see Master Yoda. "Master." I said as I jumped to my feet and bowed in greeting.

"Sit young Jinn." He gestured for me to sit on the floor as he got comfortable on the meditation bench. I sat back down on the floor and starred at my hands trying to sort out how I felt. "A problem, we seem to have." I opened my mouth to speak but Yoda raised a hand to silence me. "Time to listen. Much emotion I sense in you. Sadness and confusion have been troubling you, but it is the anger you have building within which troubles the counsel." Again, I tried to speak only to be silenced once again. I could feel my blood begin to boil at this. "I sense it rising in you as we speak. Get control of this situation, we must."

I took a deep breath, realizing that Master Yoda was right. My anger had been building as he spoke to me, but when I asked myself why, I had no answer. "Yes, Master," I said quietly. He did not speak right away, so I took the opportunity to ask him a question that had been on my mind since my master had left me in the sparring room earlier. "Master, why hasn't Master Bondara spoken to me about this?" Even I heard the anger in my question.

"His own reasons he has for asking my assistance. You need not concern yourself with that right now." His answer both angered and confused me. "It is you we will focus on right now. Tell me, Brynn-Te, what are you feeling?"

I looked at Master Yoda in the eyes for the first time since he had first entered the room. "I don't know." It was a half-truth. My emotions were so muddled in my mind; I was having trouble sorting them out.

"Find out, we shall."

"I don't understand why my master is not the one here with me," I started.

"Told you I have. It is not for you to be concerned about right now. Focus. Now tell me, what is it you are feeling?"

"I don't know. I suppose mostly I'm feeling frustrated." I was really having trouble figuring out what I felt.

Our conversation went on like that for more than an hour. We picked apart each emotion I mentioned until it was resolved. Finally, we reached the emotion which, according to Master Yoda, I had been denying and fueling the most. Anger. Initially, I was so consumed by this emotion that I began to yell at Master Yoda.

"Have you finished? Stop to breath, you must." He quickly interjected when I paused. His calm tone did nothing but fuel the fire. I jumped to my feet and continued to yell. I got so angry; I flipped my robe back and was about to take hold of my lightsabre when it flew from my belt to Master Yoda's hand. I stood motionless and stunned, partly because of what had just happened, but mostly because in that instant I saw what had been gradually happening to me since my father's death.

I flopped back onto the floor. "No," I said in almost a whisper. "Master, I don't….I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." I was barely able to speak.

"Anger," he said simply as he lay my lightsabre on the floor between us. "It is this that we must focus on and resolve. Tell me why you are angry."

I truly didn't know where this anger had come from. I wasn't angry with anyone or anything that I could think of. I was struggling for words, knowing Master Yoda would not accept this answer. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders as I thought.

"Pin-point anger's source, we must." For a moment I had forgotten that Master Yoda would have read my thoughts. "Is it your father's death?"

"No, Master, there is no anger there. Sadness, yes, as we already discussed, but not anger."

"What about his padawan?"

"Definitely not. Obi-Wan thought of his master as his father. I know he did everything in his power to get to my father and help him."

We went on like this for a while. Was I angry at the Sith, the counsel, the Trade Federation, the Senate, and so on. I wasn't in any way angry at anything Master Yoda mentioned. I had been angry with the Sith right after it happened, but had dealt with that right away. I was beginning to get frustrated again. _Where is this anger coming from? I've never had trouble with this emotion before. Obi-Wan is the one who has trouble with anger._

At my last thought, I saw Master Yoda's eyes widen and ears twitch. "Tell me, young Jinn, when did you last see Kenobi?"

"The night before they left to go back to Naboo." Now I was even more confused. What did that have to do with anything?

"His feelings at that time, what were they?"

"He was angry at first. He didn't want to go back to Naboo, but by the end of our conversation he was alright and understood why he had to go." Still confused as to why we had suddenly changed the subject to Obi-Wan, I was about to ask Master Yoda why the subject had changed when he spoke.

"These feelings of anger you have, they are unpredictable and confusing to you, are they not?" I had absolutely no clue where this was going now.

"Yes, Master. It's like it hits me and I don't know what has happened until it passes." We discussed this for only a few more minutes before Yoda insisted I meditate with his assistance. I could feel his force signature within my meditation. I knew he was searching every inch of my mind and the force within me. Normally, this would not be something done by anyone but a master and padawan, but I knew it had to be done. We had to get to the bottom of this.

When we had finished meditating, Master Yoda opened his eyes, nodded, and said "How do you feel now?"

"Better, Master." I answered. "But, Master, I can still feel the anger. I don't understand."

"Know where it is coming from, do you?" I shook my head in answer. "Hmm. Continue to work on this, we will. For now, rest. Tomorrow you will meet with your master in the Master's sparring room. Contact you with a time, he will." I nodded and we went our separate ways.

When I got to my quarters, I grabbed a quick snack, then jumped in the shower. Once I dressed and tidied the place up a bit, I sat on my bed and decided to try to meditate on my own. It worked, so I tried to focus on the strange anger I was feeling. I could feel myself getting close to it, then Obi-Wan would appear and I couldn't get any farther. It was like there was a darkness beyond him, and he would not let me go any farther. I came out of my meditation more confused still. I stood and walked to my bedroom door, opened it and stood staring at my father's bedroom door. _I could use your help right now daddy. I don't understand what is going on inside me. I need to figure out where this anger is coming from. I'm not angry with anyone or anything. _I knew I wasn't going to get an answer, but there was a part of me that was expecting to hear one. I turned and went to bed.


End file.
